And I'm back. I lapsed again into the "well, I can't keep this up, maybe next year" mentality. It's not that I accomplished nothing in my free time this year, just I strayed a lot from original goals. I read a whole lot, but only completed a few graphic novels. I played some video games... okay, I only played Animal Crossing and Pokemon. ...I cleaned my room! I've learned more Japanese thanks to Rosetta Stone! I sketched, but very little. I came to the realisation that I can actually buy stuff for my collections because I have a job now. I took a trip to California to see one of my BFFs! So it's been a busy year. But I still want to do more!
I tested out a new way of doing my to-do lists, so I'm going to implement it this year. Every "weekly" segment has tasks represented by dots. Like 10 pages is one dot. Then each section has 100 to 200 dots to measure progress by. The sections are Reading, Drawing, Internet, and Others. I also made an add-on list for video games because there's a lot I want to play, lol. And the reason why they are "weekly" is because I have to finish one week before moving onto the next. That is how I will measure progress... percentages of each segment. I can't spoil myself anymore until I complete a segment! I've never completed the first week of a year and that's very sad!
I'll report on my progress on each moth's State of the Projects. Each week(s) I intend on: reading 100 pages each of a variety of books and comics; draw 90 sketches, 8 illustrations, and two comic pages; write 1000 words in each of my writing projects, listen carefully to 20 CDs, study Japanese, play a wee bit on all my video games (with a few exceptions, like completed games), watch ten anime episodes and one DVD disc, keep up my blogs, and color in my coloring books. Yup, that's going to take more than a week.
But I'm so looking forward to working on all my goals!
I had a countdown till Christmas AND today, the official start of my goals. There's so much more I'm looking forward to in 2015 also! The new Star Wars, the new Hello!Project (one of my favorite groups is leaving, but my favorite member is staying and twelve new girls have been added!), surely a new Pokemon game may be announced, and I'm sure there will be so much more!
Eeeeee!
29 December 2014
30 June 2014
Mid Year Checkpoint Take Three
Like every quarter of the year, I think I can start over on the same mistake. I think I can just re-allot all tasks, cramming them into the remaining days of the year. It always fails, and always will fail. How last month I thought I could squeeze five yearly planners into six months is beyond me. I have little to no time during the week to work on them and three of those planners were made out before I got a job. I'm just going to have to take everything at my own pace because these unrealistic deadlines are giving me an all or nothing attitude and nothing's getting done.
But while I'm at it, let's look at how my "New Year's Resolutions" are going.
1.) Weekly blog posts. No.
2.) Use up art supplies (and go through everything else.) No.
3.) Lose weight/exercise more. No.
4.) Comments on blogs, dA, Drive, etc. No, but working on it.
5.) Understand other languages better. A little better in French, but not much.
6.) Coloring. No. Not at ALL.
7.) H!P and anime. Yes for H!P, somewhat on anime. Not only have I been keeping up with H!P, I've been trying to fill in holes in my collection.
8.) Organize and inventory room. Anything I organize gets messed up quickly, so NOPE.
9.) Follow my planners. Still on Day One. Day One for two and a half years.
Priorities and deadlines just don't work for me in art (at least non-school art) except for two summers, the summers of 2007 and 2008. It was a passionate, stubborn, but horribly drawn burst of insane fan art. It started as fully colored arts and puttered out to an unruly stack of sketches that got thrown out two years later, in the summer of 2010, after graduating from university. But since my plans switched to commissions and personal projects, I slowed things down and the perfectionist came back. I need discipline, but not discipline where I set myself up to fail.
I'm just going to have to work through my planners week by week, even if it takes me several years to do it (after all, it does comprise what I expected to take three years to accomplish, two of which without a job, and all of which unrealistically.) And that means not just the art on those lists, but reading, too. I mean, I'll just be miserable if I deny myself reading (it's perhaps my biggest addiction), so I might as well do it while crossing stuff off. My lists should be guides to help me complete everything in a balanced manner, not a stressor for my "free" time. Finish the tasks in Week One before moving on to Week Two, simple as that.
This is the decision I've come to after the third such mid-year checkpoint.
So, see you next post.
But while I'm at it, let's look at how my "New Year's Resolutions" are going.
1.) Weekly blog posts. No.
2.) Use up art supplies (and go through everything else.) No.
3.) Lose weight/exercise more. No.
4.) Comments on blogs, dA, Drive, etc. No, but working on it.
5.) Understand other languages better. A little better in French, but not much.
6.) Coloring. No. Not at ALL.
7.) H!P and anime. Yes for H!P, somewhat on anime. Not only have I been keeping up with H!P, I've been trying to fill in holes in my collection.
8.) Organize and inventory room. Anything I organize gets messed up quickly, so NOPE.
9.) Follow my planners. Still on Day One. Day One for two and a half years.
Priorities and deadlines just don't work for me in art (at least non-school art) except for two summers, the summers of 2007 and 2008. It was a passionate, stubborn, but horribly drawn burst of insane fan art. It started as fully colored arts and puttered out to an unruly stack of sketches that got thrown out two years later, in the summer of 2010, after graduating from university. But since my plans switched to commissions and personal projects, I slowed things down and the perfectionist came back. I need discipline, but not discipline where I set myself up to fail.
I'm just going to have to work through my planners week by week, even if it takes me several years to do it (after all, it does comprise what I expected to take three years to accomplish, two of which without a job, and all of which unrealistically.) And that means not just the art on those lists, but reading, too. I mean, I'll just be miserable if I deny myself reading (it's perhaps my biggest addiction), so I might as well do it while crossing stuff off. My lists should be guides to help me complete everything in a balanced manner, not a stressor for my "free" time. Finish the tasks in Week One before moving on to Week Two, simple as that.
This is the decision I've come to after the third such mid-year checkpoint.
So, see you next post.
31 March 2014
I Want To Be A Spring Phoenix
Aaaggh, it's been so long since I posted anything to this blog, despite all the big words and plans to post weekly and get back on top of my goals. And in that time I've been sinking into a steaming pile of rants. It's really the same old story no matter what. Well, and a relatively recent problem, if you consider within the past year recent... but it's getting old real quick!
So the same old story is my feeling of no accomplishment, no progress, just stagnation. Lists, lists, lists, with barely anything crossed off. Wondering what's wrong with me because other people seem able to do it all or expect that I can do it all. I'm too slow and no one's willing to give me the cheat code to level up or maybe, ugh, I'm just incapable. Incompetant. Not going into detail, but these feeling don't stop at my personal prjects and goals.
Why can't I do three things at once??!
Why can't I come home, clean everything, play videogames, draw, paint, color, type, write, read, watch DVR'd shows, and do my basic daily needs... to the degree I want??!
Why is there never enough sleep??!
Why am I bouncy one minute, groggy and itchy eyed the next??!
The only thing keeping my sadness and anger at bay is how cool this sparkly pink gel pen looks on paper!! Thank you, Hello Kitty.
And then the "recent" problem. I don't remember being constantly hit on at school. In elementary school, there were a couple guys. Yeah, lol. In middle school and high school, there were a few more, but by no means was it a constant thing. In college... NO ONE that I can recall. And I was perfectly fine with that. But ever since I've started working, OMG. How do I tell people to get lost when I could get in trouble for being rude? And if I tell people they are bothering me, will they bother me more like in school? Will they attempt to hurt me if I get them kicked out?
It's seriously affecting the way I socialize with guys in general. Sometimes I think I can't have guy friends anymore because being nice or friendly is "leading them on" and hanging out is a "date." I didn't have this problem as a recluse, and I'm hoping to work my way into a job where I never have to leave the house. Of course, if I can't get my art discipline under control, that's not likely.
This whole general feeling of frustration all boils down to feeling out of control. I thought my recent relapses into frequent tears was just hormones from my little red friend, but nope. I'm being accused of being a hoarder again because my pile by my desk of stuff to do slowly gets larger every week because nothing's getting done. And I have to do something with it this weekend... oops, the weekend's over because I didn't plan and prioritize well enough and stuff happened at the last minute. When I do manage to get it done, it will amass again, as I try to do something I can't finish, and set it aside again. It's a never ending struggle.
Well, I'm sure there's more stuff bothering me, what with my nightmares and insomnia and all, and I have a ton of nitpicks every day that build up under my skin like pus, but these were my main concerns. I'm hoping the writing will make me feel better for a little while at least, though I know it won't get better until I feel in control again.
P.S. I've been buying H!P stuff with my tax return (even though I don't think I deserve it) so hopefully the happy times music will energise me. Lots of classic Momusu.
So the same old story is my feeling of no accomplishment, no progress, just stagnation. Lists, lists, lists, with barely anything crossed off. Wondering what's wrong with me because other people seem able to do it all or expect that I can do it all. I'm too slow and no one's willing to give me the cheat code to level up or maybe, ugh, I'm just incapable. Incompetant. Not going into detail, but these feeling don't stop at my personal prjects and goals.
Why can't I do three things at once??!
Why can't I come home, clean everything, play videogames, draw, paint, color, type, write, read, watch DVR'd shows, and do my basic daily needs... to the degree I want??!
Why is there never enough sleep??!
Why am I bouncy one minute, groggy and itchy eyed the next??!
The only thing keeping my sadness and anger at bay is how cool this sparkly pink gel pen looks on paper!! Thank you, Hello Kitty.
And then the "recent" problem. I don't remember being constantly hit on at school. In elementary school, there were a couple guys. Yeah, lol. In middle school and high school, there were a few more, but by no means was it a constant thing. In college... NO ONE that I can recall. And I was perfectly fine with that. But ever since I've started working, OMG. How do I tell people to get lost when I could get in trouble for being rude? And if I tell people they are bothering me, will they bother me more like in school? Will they attempt to hurt me if I get them kicked out?
It's seriously affecting the way I socialize with guys in general. Sometimes I think I can't have guy friends anymore because being nice or friendly is "leading them on" and hanging out is a "date." I didn't have this problem as a recluse, and I'm hoping to work my way into a job where I never have to leave the house. Of course, if I can't get my art discipline under control, that's not likely.
This whole general feeling of frustration all boils down to feeling out of control. I thought my recent relapses into frequent tears was just hormones from my little red friend, but nope. I'm being accused of being a hoarder again because my pile by my desk of stuff to do slowly gets larger every week because nothing's getting done. And I have to do something with it this weekend... oops, the weekend's over because I didn't plan and prioritize well enough and stuff happened at the last minute. When I do manage to get it done, it will amass again, as I try to do something I can't finish, and set it aside again. It's a never ending struggle.
Well, I'm sure there's more stuff bothering me, what with my nightmares and insomnia and all, and I have a ton of nitpicks every day that build up under my skin like pus, but these were my main concerns. I'm hoping the writing will make me feel better for a little while at least, though I know it won't get better until I feel in control again.
P.S. I've been buying H!P stuff with my tax return (even though I don't think I deserve it) so hopefully the happy times music will energise me. Lots of classic Momusu.
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