Now for my New Year Resolutions! It's pretty much a carry-over from last year, but more compact and urgent. This year has to work out somehow!
Goal #1: Use up as much stuff as possible. Meaning art and office supplies, coloring and puzzle books, magazines, and the like. I need to have less stuff to worry about.
Goal #2: Get my Bare Minimum Planner done. I wouldn't make "progress" with entertainment (i.e. television, game, etc. goals.) I wouldn't color anything except commissions and a few traditional arts. I wouldn't even blog, except for The Dark Writers. But I'd get art, writing, and comics done. The important and prioritized stuff. I'd like to get the other Planners done, too, but the Bare Minimum is a start.
Goal #3: Get a job/helpful wage. If I don't get enough to take care of my share of living expenses and help my family out, I am screwed.
Goal #4: Be able to read the media I own in Japanese. I'm still sticking to this goal, but the books, magazines, pamphlets, and cards I own aren't that complex, so the goal this year is much more realistic.
Goal #5: Get happier. Again, this hinges on success. And getting enough sleep (no more past midnighters unless necessary!) And maybe meditation exercises. And plush therapy (caring for them really helps!) But I hate, hate, HATE being told I'll have to go on pills if my mood continues. I have reasons for being sad and upset and happiness from pills does not sound real.
I think that's it.
Happy New Year, everybody! Let's make our hopes real!!
31 December 2012
Reflections of 2012 - The Year That Wasn't
I'm splitting this post into two posts. I want to get the depressing reflections out of the way and keep them separate from my bold hope. This is going to sound eerily like last year's New Year's post, just like the deja-vu posts I make to Studio Derrot every month...
The previous year feels like such a waste.
I shouldn't say that, though. I did get some things done. I just didn't get everything done. There is a disproportionate amount of work I didn't get done to the amount that was done.
This has plagued me ever since I began making lists in earnest, about eight years ago. I'm sure before my list-phase started I still didn't get everything done that I wanted to... it's just that seeing it on paper makes it more palpable. More depressing.
See, I've really come to enjoy making lists. At first it was just to keep track of art projects for school or count down pages in a book for school or levels in a video game while grinding. But it soon blossomed into multi-page lists and then eventually evolved into where I stand now: lists devoted to entire projects, big and small; grid-paper for word counts and comic pages and book and video game progress; a schedule for my blogs; and even allotments for the shows I watch (among other media.) It takes but a moment to write down a task, but much more time to complete the task. Soon I've made a list that requires a whole workshop of people to complete on time.
My lesson here should be that I shouldn't make lists anymore. But lists give me hope. And I don't fail in doing the things that need to be done, like commissions. Only something happening beyond my control, like technical issues or incapacitation, could get in the way of my stubbornness in that regard.
I wish that stubbornness would apply to my own work, too! Sometimes it seems like the stuff I anticipate doing the most, I hold myself back on. Like I'm scared of not doing it properly. Or I'll do it and the moment will end.
It's not just in creative projects. It took me over ten months to start my Pokemon SoulSilver game, even though I put monthly goals down for it.
I have to overcome this trepidation in the coming year!
So I did not:
#1) Update regularly. I updated in almost unpredictable spurts. The only predictable thing was my monthly post saying I accomplished nothing (or nearly nothing.)
#2) Get a graphic novel published. It's very hard to publish one when the few pages in existence don't have their panels' contents fully drawn out.
#3) Finish Minervellas. I didn't even finish my 2012 NaNo, The Fart Eaters.
#4) Make decent money on my artwork. Except toward the end, where the pay got a lot better. But the rest of the year before things got better, I was a spineless creature that took a severe pay-cut after shooting itself in the foot. I still didn't make enough to require filing taxes.
#5) Get a real job. I'm a deadbeat and horrible person and I've hated myself many times this last year for that. Do I have a future?
#6) Clean my room. Clean? Yes. Organized? Pretty much. But I didn't use up a lot of the stuff I wanted to. I did throw out a lot of papers, but my mom still says I "don't throw anything away."
#7) Understand Japanese. I'm not much farther in reading kanji or speaking (forming sentences) than I was a year ago. And now I have recurring day-mares of an embarrassing incident at a seafood/sushi counter. I'm not confident yet.
#8) Catch up on media. I abandoned a lot of online stuff when my computer had to be re-imaged. I'm impossibly behind on streaming shows and didn't check out all the music groups I wanted to. I didn't watch my DVDs (except one) or play much of video games. And then I get frustrated by suggestions for shows I can't watch legally. Morals aside, if I don't have enough time to watch the shows I'm allowed to watch (i.e. shows on Crunchyroll, hulu, etc.)... why would I watch something illegally? I have other things to spend my computer time on. :P
#9) Get in shape. Still the same after more than a decade. At least I'm consistent?
#10) Get happier. Nah, I just got more and more stressed out and I wouldn't be surprised if the statistics for me breaking out in tears was at least once a day.
Okay, now with those dreary statements out of the way, I can truly begin the New Year with hope!
The previous year feels like such a waste.
I shouldn't say that, though. I did get some things done. I just didn't get everything done. There is a disproportionate amount of work I didn't get done to the amount that was done.
This has plagued me ever since I began making lists in earnest, about eight years ago. I'm sure before my list-phase started I still didn't get everything done that I wanted to... it's just that seeing it on paper makes it more palpable. More depressing.
See, I've really come to enjoy making lists. At first it was just to keep track of art projects for school or count down pages in a book for school or levels in a video game while grinding. But it soon blossomed into multi-page lists and then eventually evolved into where I stand now: lists devoted to entire projects, big and small; grid-paper for word counts and comic pages and book and video game progress; a schedule for my blogs; and even allotments for the shows I watch (among other media.) It takes but a moment to write down a task, but much more time to complete the task. Soon I've made a list that requires a whole workshop of people to complete on time.
My lesson here should be that I shouldn't make lists anymore. But lists give me hope. And I don't fail in doing the things that need to be done, like commissions. Only something happening beyond my control, like technical issues or incapacitation, could get in the way of my stubbornness in that regard.
I wish that stubbornness would apply to my own work, too! Sometimes it seems like the stuff I anticipate doing the most, I hold myself back on. Like I'm scared of not doing it properly. Or I'll do it and the moment will end.
It's not just in creative projects. It took me over ten months to start my Pokemon SoulSilver game, even though I put monthly goals down for it.
I have to overcome this trepidation in the coming year!
So I did not:
#1) Update regularly. I updated in almost unpredictable spurts. The only predictable thing was my monthly post saying I accomplished nothing (or nearly nothing.)
#2) Get a graphic novel published. It's very hard to publish one when the few pages in existence don't have their panels' contents fully drawn out.
#3) Finish Minervellas. I didn't even finish my 2012 NaNo, The Fart Eaters.
#4) Make decent money on my artwork. Except toward the end, where the pay got a lot better. But the rest of the year before things got better, I was a spineless creature that took a severe pay-cut after shooting itself in the foot. I still didn't make enough to require filing taxes.
#5) Get a real job. I'm a deadbeat and horrible person and I've hated myself many times this last year for that. Do I have a future?
#6) Clean my room. Clean? Yes. Organized? Pretty much. But I didn't use up a lot of the stuff I wanted to. I did throw out a lot of papers, but my mom still says I "don't throw anything away."
#7) Understand Japanese. I'm not much farther in reading kanji or speaking (forming sentences) than I was a year ago. And now I have recurring day-mares of an embarrassing incident at a seafood/sushi counter. I'm not confident yet.
#8) Catch up on media. I abandoned a lot of online stuff when my computer had to be re-imaged. I'm impossibly behind on streaming shows and didn't check out all the music groups I wanted to. I didn't watch my DVDs (except one) or play much of video games. And then I get frustrated by suggestions for shows I can't watch legally. Morals aside, if I don't have enough time to watch the shows I'm allowed to watch (i.e. shows on Crunchyroll, hulu, etc.)... why would I watch something illegally? I have other things to spend my computer time on. :P
#9) Get in shape. Still the same after more than a decade. At least I'm consistent?
#10) Get happier. Nah, I just got more and more stressed out and I wouldn't be surprised if the statistics for me breaking out in tears was at least once a day.
Okay, now with those dreary statements out of the way, I can truly begin the New Year with hope!
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