I freely admit that I'm not a very social person, often to the point of being avoidant. I haven't been on Facebook in over two months (and the next time I actually do log in, I'm thinking of deactivating it.) I am so terrified of random conversations, that back when I did use Instant Messengers, I went invisible and only talked to the people I already planned to talk to. I'm a member of a forum, yet I mostly lurk, posting a handful of posts in a "good" year. And I don't answer the phone unless I know the caller.
Ah, the phone. I hate phones. If I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn't even have one. "But what if there's an emergency?" "The Internet can be unreliable or nonexistent for one or both parties." I understand these concerns. But right now it just seems like a waste. I hardly ever use my phone. At least not for its main purpose. I use my phone to take pictures, listen to music, or as an alarm. Communicating? Not so much.
Phone calls are just too awkward for me. Speaking is not one of my strong points, and my mouth often has trouble keeping up with my mind. I will lose my train of thought, mess up words, or everything will come out a mess that needs to be repeated. Which is horrifying after all that effort and humiliation. When I listen to recordings of my voice, I sound like a little boy with a tongue piercing. All of this is avoided with e-mail and other Internet messages (as for text messages, I'll get to that later.) It's embarrassing to have people watch me type in real time, since I have the same issues with speech, just with tons of typos. But most text based communication allows for proofreading, which really helps with communicating exactly what one wants to communicate. Okay, not perfect. But better.
Even talking face to face is more ideal, since at least through body language and facial expressions, I can see when there might be a misunderstanding. Or hopefully whomever I'm talking to can better understand me (I talk with my hands a lot.) Or maybe they just think I'm retarded and nod politely. But the point is, phone calls make me feel uncomfortable. Only talking in front of a bunch of people (mostly strangers) gives me more communication anxiety. In university, I would walk to people I needed to speak to, when e-mail wasn't an option. Just please don't make me pick up the phone!
Friends and family are the big exception to my phone phobia, as long as they are close. If I trust them enough not to be judgmental and I can speak my mind, along with my funny spacing out, then it doesn't matter how I'm communicating with them. E-mail, phone, ESP, whatever. But my first time talking on a phone with someone is always going to be awkward, at least for the first minute or two. And then there are three issues with phone calls that can even leave me running from friends...
- First, I hope I'm not annoying when I ask what time is good to call. I am not a surprise dialer. I wish I could say it's just because I hate being taken off guard myself and I'm treating the other person how I want to be treated. But it's not just that. I hate answering machines. I end up sounding really stupid or accidentally talking before the beep. And then there are the joke answering machine messages that actually sound like the other person is talking to you. I sputter when it's time to give the message. And for that reason, I often hang up the moment I get an answering machine. If it seems like I get an answering machine every time I call, I just stop calling. Period. Yes, fellow Dark Writers, answering machines can be added to the list of things that I'm afraid of, along with escalators, ceiling fans, and VCRs.
- Second, three-way calling is often an unpleasant experience when two of the three people don't know each other that well. One person will usually be left out while the other two talk about things the third wheel doesn't feel qualified jumping into. Or if the third wheel tries to get back into the conversation, there is silence from the other person instead. Instead of being a three-way conversation, it becomes two people waiting their turn to speak to the person they both know. And then there was the awful experience in middle school when a friend put me on a three-way call with a man many years older than us. The only information I received as to who he was? He was the boyfriend of another person I didn't know. Anyway, scary stranger man proceeded to ask me why I liked Pokemon (in a very condescending way, asking stupid questions and trying not to laugh), while my "friend" tittered in the background. Uggh. The only three-way call with a person I hardly knew that I think actually went completely well involved one of my best friends. (Just in case she's reading this: Pokemon League!) Her friend actually tried to include me in the conversation, and we were even able to have some fun when we discovered we both liked something that irritated our shared friend (Happy Tree Friends.)
- Finally, dead air. I am a person that usually focuses on one thing at a time. I might doodle while listening to someone, but they are still getting my full attention unless there's a good reason for otherwise. And then I ask them to repeat themselves, because I care about what they are saying. I think I'm a good listener with a knack for remembering conversations. So it hurts a bit when it's obvious the same consideration isn't being done for me. Like the TV is loud and the person on the other end is constantly laughing. Or I have to get their attention multiple times and they have no idea what I was talking about. Or I finish talking and there is just silence and it's obvious they are doing something else. Like sleeping. Why call me then?! It's a waste of both our times. And I find that the people who want to talk the most often are the ones with the least amount to say.
(And please, to all this applies to, if you talk to someone, after you finish talking about your life and then you ask about the other person's life, at least make it sound like you are listening. Or just bluntly say you aren't interested. It's a lot better than several dozen "I see"'s, "Uh-huh"'s, and inappropriate laughs. To me, fake copy-paste replies is not polite, but a betrayal of trust. Also, saying you aren't interested will save your time and make me feel less like an idiot. Thank you.)
Finally, finally, I have to touch on text messages. One of my pet peeves. I don't get text messages. They are expensive, and if I had the money to blow on a text message plan or text messages, I would blow it on something I actually care about. Like bills. Toys. Comics. Art supplies. Video Games. Not idiot speak. If how some people talk on the Internet is any indication, text messages bring out the worst in someone's grammar. It's very sad to see people that talk intelligently in person look so dumb in written words. If I didn't know some people except for how they talked online, I would have a very low opinion of them. I'm sure text messages have their uses, but not for me.
I hope I didn't offend anyone by this post. It's not meant to be rude, but an organized rant on why I don't like cell phones, or phones in general. But what do you think? Am I crazy? I know my generation is not very phone happy, but text and social networking happy (two things that I also despise or am not fond of.) I try to think of what the ideal communication aside from the old-fashioned way and letters/e-mails/forums would be, but I can't think of any better ways. Just don't get me started on video conferencing.
