For a long time, I've noticed some things don't add up in regards to my life and time. No, I'm not talking about still being mistaken a decade or more younger (or how perhaps mentally I still am a decade or more younger.) I'm talking about how I never seem to make a dent in my to-do lists. How my drawing output, despite having many ideas I wish to put to paper, is woefully small. And this is without a job. Or school. How my notebooks remain woefully blank. Despite playing scenarios and thoughts through my mind, so the only effort needed is writing it all down with a little editorial organization. Despite a love of organizing things!
Most people who know me have probably given up on the thought that my creative career will go anywhere. Maybe they see my list of projects as empty promises, aspirations that will remain in my mind. Any new project is probably secretly groaned at. I don't think these thoughts are just me being overcritical or down on myself. Indeed I've been told that I don't look like I'm going anywhere. That I'm wasting my education. That I won't finish NaNo (and it's true, I've never finished it.)
But this is something very important to me. I do love coming up with ideas. I do love sketching out said ideas to sharpen my mind's image of them. I like to then play with said creations, go on adventures with them. I like making myself laugh. I like making others laugh, maybe because it's the only time I feel socially accepted. I'm serious about working in fields of ideas, writing and drawing narratives, particularly silly narratives with fun characters. I don't want to give up. I'm stubborn like that. If I gave up the desire I've hard for over ten years, I'd be lost. Completely lost. And broken.
So that's why I have to get to the bottom of my failure to make scratches at my goals.
What do I do in an average day?
On a non-computer day, I may sleep in, unless I have to help with an errand or chore (even then, sometimes I still sleep in.) When I wake up, I get ready for the day. Besides normal chores/hygiene rituals, going poop, etc., this means stacking the work I want to get done on the floor or the edge of my twin-size bed. I don't sit at my desk because there are notebooks, sketchbooks, drawing papers, and novels stacked up on it. And on the chair And all around the floor at the base. I intend to work my way through these stacks, but it's slow going. Put them back in the empty slots on the shelves from whence they came? Ridiculous! I need a visual reminder of what I need to get done.
So I lie down (or sit with my legs tucked under me) on my bed and try to get to work. But no words are coming out! The proportion or perspective in the drawing is off! I need a reference that happens to be buried under the stacks on my desk! At this point, I'll reach for a comfort - a book. And I'll read for awhile. At least it's better than laying down, full of thoughts, but not doing anything. That's torture.
But then there is the other distractions. My room does not have a door. I hear everything. Conversations particularly and sometimes television can be major distractions I can't tune out. For whatever reason, I seem to lack the ability to tune information out (the same thing that makes me a good listener and student is a curse as well.) High-pitched voices and noises are the worst. In such situations, unable to read or think outside the distraction I start to get a headache if I don't put my head down. Then there's times I just take a nap because I'm tired or experiencing intestinal distress.
Between this and daily chores/routines, night is soon upon me with very little (or nothing) done. Some days instead of a novel, I'll use a coloring book, puzzle book, or just go into despair mode, making to-do lists and charts Or I'll watch the Saturday morning cartoons on the DVR. Surprisingly, I rarely play my beloved Pokemon, except on special occasions, particularly bad days, or little spurts where I have a mini-goal. I suppose I don't like leaving my DS plugged in or turning it on and off constantly, so it's easier to distract myself with analog entertainment that can be stopped at any time. If everything was completely digital, I imagine I'd be curled up in a ball when I'm not busy and having art/writing block.
On a computer day, though? I try to get up as early as possible so I can go to bed at a decent time and not annoy other people with my room's light or my keyboard-typing (no door, please remember.) But I get on once a week and the computer will often be on for sixteen to twenty-four hours (if I sleep in till ten or later, you can see how this can become a problem.)
I check my e-mail, try to keep up with my deviantART messages, check the latest hundred or two posts on my Tumblr dash and load up my queue for the week (so I appear active), check webcomics, try to watch various anime series on hulu and Crunchyroll, and then scan Twitter and various sites related to my hobbies and load up a thumb drive with a text file of articles to read later on a netbook that freezes just by going to Wikipedia. It's not a netbook, but a textbook! Har, har, har. After I've done all that, I go to YouTube to put videos from my subscription feed or go through a list of artists to check up on (because following a record label clogs the feed) and put their new videos into "Watch Later" playlists (yes, plural) that I may never get to watch unless I waste a lot of time some other day. And I chat in Google Docs, maybe even getting stuff typed out. Maybe typing out blogs like this one. And trying to keep up with Google Reader, a losing battle. Oh yeah, and if I actually had artwork to scan, I do that at the beginning, along with editing and uploading said scans. After I stop rambling about idols and destroying my friend's kidneys, I turn off the computer and go to bed as the sun is coming up, more or less.
There! The computer day is fully of junk!
I cut my computer time to once a week, because I feared it was responsible for my lack of progress (due to sleeping in on the other days and feeling like I had a shorter time till the next scanning and getting discouraged... six days to get 'x' amount of art done isn't as bad as '1/2 x" amount to get done in two or three days, with one day wasted with sleep.) And I
have improved in the amount I get done since using the computer weekly.
But I can't get rid of my computer days altogether. I wouldn't be able to scan and upload art or type blogs and stories. I would be irresponsible to my friends, whom I am working and collaborating with. And most of all, it's a beacon, a goal, a day of accountability. I have to work hard the rest of the week so I can have something to upload and/or type on The Computer Day. Without that day, there wouldn't be enough pressure to make constant progress. When I look at it from this perspective, what I NEED the computer for, my priorities become clear.
So here's what I'll be giving up. I want my friends (and anyone who checks up on my art/projects) to know I'm serious about my goals.
All online show I follow on hulu and Crunchyroll. That would be: Toriko, Puchim@s, Gin Tama, Magi, Love Live! school idol project, Ixion Saga DT, Senryu, and Cobra. That last is actually a backlog title I was trying to watch this year. Magi and Love Live were pretty average, maybe even getting a bit dull... they were not bad, but not super special. Though Love Live was just about to introduce the character I was most interested in (Nico.) I'll miss the others sorely, though. I have to keep reminding myself, "don't you dare give in and watch Cobra next week!" All the James Bond that's been playing lately is making me miss Cobra more, though...
I won't be giving up my DVR shows, though. But I'm coming close.
Pokemon is boring during tournaments, but there are hidden gems in the form of Cilan and cute Pokemon moments (Pants/Scraggy! Oshawott!) And the N arc will be coming soon after the League wraps up in the U.S.
Star War: The Clone Wars is hit and miss. I find it's at its best with scoundrels (I love Hondo!) or Anakin going nuts/Hulk mode and making angry faces (or as a friend says, looks like he's making a bowel movement.) The season's almost over and Anakin's making his lovely bowel movements in the season finale arc, so it's safe... for now. But I really dislike those clones. They take all the fun out of Star Wars.
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic can't seem to follow its excellent second season. But the season is over for now.
Gravity Falls is fun, but a chore to find out when the next episode will air.
Doctor Who is fun... if I could hear it half the time.
But the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles... no! I can't miss my weekly dose of Donnie and wishing I was in April's place. And the Star Trek parody, ahaha.
Webcomics. They serve as inspiration, but they are taking up too much time, particularly when I try out new ones.
Tumblr. Wow, I think it was a mistake even getting one. Too much. It's just too much. It's for people who are online a lot, so it's just not for me.
Forums. I'll still check out Hello!Online for the Pocket Mornings, which are sometimes hilarious (like the recent cockroach one.) And their Twitter feed, which has info on releases. But forums take time and are redundant.
The anime news site I frequent. I won't be watching much anime for awhile, so why tempt myself?
Twitter. Besides Hello!Online's Twitter, I'll take a hiatus since it's also becoming too much.
A bunch of RSS feeds, mostly idol blogs. Maybe all the idol blogs, but Momo and Kanana's blogs are funny, Maachan and Zukki and Fukuchan make me smile, Haruka and Meimi surprise me and are some of my top favorites character-wise, and as long as Reina's in Morning Musume, I'll find her cranky side funny (especially when it involves Maachan.) I'll remove those feeds, too, if it comes down to it, though.
I won't use YouTube on the computer except for background music while typing.
So let's see how that works. I still can't see how some people can have school and/or jobs and still do all the things I'm giving up AND draw and write stories. It makes me jealous and I feel super slow. I wish I knew the secret, but for now I'll focus on my drawing and writing goals and my friends. My friends are more important than shows and idols. But if my progress and sleep schedule do improve a lot after this, you can bet I'll be celebrating with some Pokemon games!
